There Will Be Blood


This is far and away the holy grail of all sex moves in the lesbian arsenal.

This move only requires two things for it to be a success: a vagina and Hulk Hands. There is one important tip that I do need to give, though. Don't use the shitty cloth Hulk Hands, only use the foam rubber ones. You might think that's a no-brainer, but some people just don't get it.

Dude, you're sticking some kid's toys up a cooter. You just wipe off the foam ones when you're done and give 'em back to your nephew. If the cloth ones are used, you're gonna have some massive problems.

The first problem is that they're gonna have all kinds of nasty ass stains all over them. We're talking vag juice and blood. That's not to mention the Vaseline or Crisco or whatever the fuck it is you decide to use to get those things in. The second problem is that they're going to smell like fucking trout.

I've smelled a lot of dyke vag in my day (while doing research), and it is not a pleasant aroma. Sometimes they forgo the fish smell and plow right into burning tires territory. You want little Timmy running around with hands that smell like that? But it could be worse. The homo's do a similar move, but they jam those things up their asses.

Oh, and the foam ones kind of glide easier. That's pretty much a necessity since the Hulk Hands are constantly in clenched fist mode. You can't work the things in slowly, you gotta punch them up in your partner's guts like their vag is a fucking bongo.

And that's what makes this move so excellent: It's simple. There's no wacky finger moves or funky crap like that. You just punch away at the other chick's vag until the fist just kind of gets sucked up in there. After working it for like 20 minutes, it's like punching pizza dough. The fist gets sucked in, you yank it out, and then you take another jab.

And yes, there will be blood.