Super Short Movie Reviews

Ratings out of 5 Stars


3/3/2013 - The Prestige *****

Wolverine is mad at Batman because he thinks Batman killed his wife. Alfred is not pleased.


2/28/2013 - The Man With The Iron Fists ***

Shame on the nigga who try to run game on the nigga.


2/26/2013 - Real Steel ****

Wolverine made a movie where he copied Rocky. But with robots.


2/23/2013 - Skyfall *****

Black chicks can't aim.


7/6/2012 - The Descendants ****

Your wife is cheating on you with Shaggy. And your daughter is a bitch.


7/4/2012 - Abraham Lincoln: Vampire Hunter **

If you get a bullet stuck in your eye, leave it in there for a few years. For luck.


6/13/2012 - Prometheus ****

God wants to kill you. Because you masturbate too much.


7/6/2011 - 127 Hours ****

Arms are overrated.


7/3/2011 - Winter's Bone *****

Drugs are bad, and hillbillys have creative ways of proving your dad is dead.


7/1/2011 - Ichi the Killer ****

Asian people are strange.


2/27/2011 - Stir Crazy ***

All Jewish and black people are funny and have afros.


2/10/2011 - Machete ****

All Mexican people are astounding marksmen and all Mexican women give you boners.


2/1/2011 - Being There *****

A prophetic film that showed many years before George W. Bush took office that a retarded white man can become a political power if he dresses nice and knows the right people.


1/5/2011 - Point Break *****

Patrick Swayze earns his right to ride the big wave to heaven. And Keanu Reeves proves for the 26th of many many times that he can't act.


1/2/2011 - Cyrus ***

Uncomfortably funny. And John C. Reilly seems more and more like he's borderline retarded.


12/4/2010 - The Grand *

Could have used a bit more Dennis Farina


12/4/2010 - Bring Me the Head of Alfredo Garcia **

This movie confirmed that it really is tradition to throw change on the ground for the kids at Mexican Baptisms.


11/29/2010 - Dance of the Dead Zero

Unwatchable Garbage. Is Richard Matheson doomed for all of time to horrible film adaptations of his work?


11/25/2010 - Eastern Promises *****

Naked Aragorn and the Russian mob. How can you go wrong?


11/25/2010 - The Expendables ***

After a slow and pretty sloppy setup, this movie really delivered when it mattered: Terry Crews.


11/8/2010 - Crank 2 1/2*

I hated this movie. I hate it even more than the first one. Maybe that's becuase it's the SAME EXACT MOVIE. If the action was good, I may be more inclined to like it. Jason Statham had a chance to be the Arnold Schwarzenegger of this generation, but instead he turned into Dolph Lundgren.


11/8/2010 - Prophecy ****

Mercury in the water and Armand Assante playing a Native American make this the best giant mutated killer bear movie of all time.