Current Generation Failed Game Categories

Here's an idea that was written up by my good friend Tom, you can visit him over here: Hustletronix.

So on with the list...

Put Lots of Stuff on the Screen at the Same Time Just Because We Can - 99 Knights, Dead Rising, Dynasty Warrors Anything.

I bet people cant wait to endlessly tap buttons to kill all these dudes.

Honestly, this one grew from the makers of the Dynasty Warriors games when they thought how great it would be for the "next gen" to arrive so they could REALLY throw a bunch of shit on the screen. Mediocrity ensued.

 

Long in Development, Ultimately Dissapointing - Too Human, Gran Tourismo 5, Final Fantasy XIII, Duke Nukem Forever (just guessing, but it feels right)

Wait... people didn't want to play this?!?

I bought and beat Too Human day one becuase I felt obligated. I mean, Silicon Knights gave me Eternal Darkness, the least I could do is let this one play out. Silicon Knights has now used up any and all favors owed by anybody anywhere.

 

Botched Projects from High Profile Creators - Brutal Legend, Spore

Jack Black doesn't make bad things, right? Right?!?

I knew Spore was going to be bad things when I was given the tools to make a living penis that could drag itself around on the ground with its nutsack and kill things by "spitting" at them. Shame on Maxis for creating such filth...

 

Ill Concieved Attempts at Making the Community More User Friendly - Playstation Home, Microsoft Avatars

(Sorry... no pictures becuse both my avatars for these look like faggots)

For the record, Playstation Home turned out to be a bad joke. I still don't really get what the point is. There's this not so big always empty city where any dude that made their avatar into a female (girls don't use Home) get surrounded by male avatars that gyrate and say some wierd shit. Really wierd shit.

 

Ridiculous Controllers - Tony Hawk's Ride, Any Wii accesories other than a gun, the fucking raft for Kinect

That above picture is from a real patent filing for a Wii periph. Though I would like it if it was some sort of do-dad that finally made it so that I DON'T need to jerk of manually anymore, it's instead for some animal riding game. If by "animal riding game" they mean Homeless Dude Buttfucking game, all is good!

 

Just Stop, seriously you look pathetic - Any Guitar Hero game made after Rock Band was released, Any Tony Hawk game made after Skate was released, Superman games

This looks like the kind of game you can play along to Kid Rock songs... Wait it IS the kind of game that lets you play along with Kid Rock songs!!!

I just want to say that the Tony Hawk series makes me sad. I got hooked when an old friend of mine showed me the first one and almost wore out my Dreamcast with part 2. But everything after 3 has just been a nightmare. I thought the greatness that's Skate would push the Tony Hawk team to do something great, but no luck on that. Jeez, they even had Al Roker making an ass out of himself on TV to try sell the newest one. Can the series get any lower?

 

Wii Shovelware - Anything with Babyz in the title, like 95% of all Wii games

Psst... Don't tell anybody, but this game sucks.

It's a little known fact that every western game company employs one Asian dude that they keep locked up in a broom closet to make all their shitty Wii games. 90% of the time this person has no game development experience and no known family. That way, when he dies of malnutrition and ritual beatings, there's little to no risk when he disappears.

 

God Awful "Halo Killer"- Haze! honestly Halo is not very good, making a "Halo Killer" this bad really takes some amazing fucking talent.

This is how I felt when I beat this game.

Haze is another game that I bought and beat day one. Really, how can a FPS on the PS3 by the guys that made Timesplitters be bad? Bad enough to shut down the development house? For the record, I didn't hate this game until I was about half through it. Then I hated myself for finishing it.

 

Sloppy Attempts to Revamp Old Series - Metroid Other M, Mortal Kombat (it will never be 1992 again, and Mortal Kombat will never be cool again, let it go), Banjo Kazooie Nuts n Bolts, Perfect Dark - pretty much Rare should just pack it in because shit is getting sad.

Joanna Dark always targets the dudes with one arm and no hands first.

Rare's slide started well before they got gobbled up by Microsoft, and Nintendo knew it. Case in point: Jet Force Gemini. I was really excited about this game and then I couldn't even force myself to play through it. This is coming from the guy that beat Haze, Too Human, and Dynasty Warriors 5.

 

-Tom and David

XBox Gamertag: Applesaucejaxon


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